fi le: i'v-a/in-n-ate-ho-od-e-
i'm not angry with you, i am f*ing tired, is all. and sh*t the lice work has ramped up so my 10 plus hr days, 2 hrs drive, and then lice, up to 4 hrs a night, leaves me c (r)ave ing.
work is good, solid to say the least, and the more i put into it the more opportunity i get, both with the lice, with next day appts by recommended friends, to the people i work with directly on the frame project, and surrounding ie the conversation of whom i will train with next.
the goal to have my savings by the end of the year, is already set to happen, so i get to recast beyond that, and think in scope of regaining and claiming a workable balance in my life (haven't been to the gym, and my thoughts are offended with no re pose)...
a grant is set to favor my working at the machine shop the beginning of the year, 3 months pay by the state to train. i did a verbal interview at work over the speaker phone and then sent a loose construction of a resume, and it was nicely reworked for me in detail, for my approval (i asked if i could have a copy:) commenting, ' so that is what you wanted.'
min0's heated car seat is on the way, still 40's up to high 50's here. i was going to purchase the inkless pencil, then i thought i work in a machine shop... and that got me on having a conversation to determine what the alloy metal tip is made of. best guess so far is lead and silver... so i haven't purchased the inkless pencil, although i would love to throw away all my plastic bank pens, that only have enough ink in them to sign your "live" a-way-e-
i posted a vehement comment about ups online. who ever the driver is, can't read my signature and request to leave a pkg at my apt door, and can't write with a pen that sustains ink, informing where to "now" go and pick up where t-hey-e- le-f/t-of/f-e-
i went to ups, to pick up my pkg, doing the reading and write by righing 0 ve~r, and noticed they had the same plastic green bank pens i snag for my quite limited person-all yo/u-s-e-
any way, it is a pulsating desire to remedy the plastic pen situation in my life. it itches, like the contact dermatitis below my ear. i turned it into a bumpy scab, because i couldn't resist, itching on the drive home, fiddling with the re cy/st in t~h' 0p e
i have lots of notes, and a way thru 2, acknowledging it will take time, to put this forth, so the reality is, after this frame project meets its due date, to take time off if necessary before i start the next go round, or work less in general.
the machine shop is the antithesis of glamorous, and i like it, because i am so un self conscious.
it is a new world, and sam who has 60 years of experience, thinks i am going to be good on hand machining. he told me that a millimeter is .03937. i committed it to memory. he thinks i am good with 'math' : i think "math"? me at h, m e/a. t 'h', m e/a. (r) t 'h'~~ any e way e. he thinks i am good at math and it is the least i can do to commit everything to memory to/o x 2.
he worked for the echelon in machining, a prestigious company, retired, didn't like retirement, but can't work there any more and draw on his pension. he has a wealth of experience and every one at the shop dialogues with him about their work, and he has so much to offer, and he is looking for people to pass it on to/o.
he is early 70's and fiesty, to say the least. there is no treating him like a doddering fool, b.c. he is ready & able to dethrone your ass. it is great, for me, i like it, i like the carry on, the slagging. it is part of staying present in a way, just like re lay T i/n~g is t/e fxf 0re mer r/ye x p.r.es~sing en/e/r g*
i've gotten lost in this world, or found, with the due date of the frames to be on the ship, i can justify putting in the hrs, plus no snow yet, and a desire for my pre car savings. my neigh bore, sorry, kind a d-d-'s-up-t-hat-w/-ay-e-
i saw him when i came home one night recently, and he said he liked my hair, and said i had a lot for a woman (?) and that my hair line on my fore head is like a man's, and then he had me check the thickness of his hair on his head, i said it is fine, and i don't see thinning, and... he told me not to do that with my face, referencing the wrinkle on my forehead.
i told him i have had that wrinkle all my life, (and in fact the selection of 'hair style' is really meant to not hide that fact or e face t).
then he wanted to know if i wanted his number so i could call or he could call some time, and i didn't have (n)... i didn't have anything relevant to say. i just wanted to silently get a way e.
in a way, the machine shop world i have been operating in, he made it seem as if i should be self conscious, for a moment.
a week or so ago i developed the symptoms of carpal tunnel. i experience it in the night when i am sleeping. i get a burning sensation, it feels like in my veins in my wrist to my fingers. i've had it before, when i painted and worked at trader joes. i do a lot of stretching of my wrists during the day but have the need to be more concerted about it.
i told jeff, and he mentioned it to our boss, and he talked to me while i was painting that having an over use injury does not make me a bad worker. interesting, talking with him, often, i find the conversation take away is different. i take something away from the convo different than he takes away. however, i think we are getting com bined, over time.
i was trying to convey in my side of the convo, i have had this sensation at work before. in painting, no one has told me to paint less. i wouldn't have a job if i stopped painting as a painter, so i have learned to deal with it. i have learned to sleep with it, and when the burning sensation wakes me up, i reposition my arm until it stops. sometimes, it takes a lot of odd repositioning. sometimes, there is no position, and i was trying to convey, that it is only pain to me if i can't make it go away.
my boss wanted me to know i am a good worker, and i don't need to have an overuse injury. this is nice to hear in consideration of all the painting i have done working in painting, and never was i told i was a good worker if i didn't paint (and an injury you can't paint thru means you can't p(l)ay.)
the pain finally developed into the kind i can't find the position to sleep thru, and that is when it gets annoying and i have to wake up and massage for relief. then i studied online, and found the recommended brace is for temporary relief that is bad if used long term, as it weakens your muscles, making the situation worse. so that answered my question, not to get a brace.
what i did and followed up with a conversation with our boss, is link the time i make tea and let it steep to stretching, as with frisbee. min0 accompanies me to work, is kenneled in the car, and we take breaks together. he gets pets by the other workers, and we play frisbee at lunch on the big patch of grass in front of the building. i stretch concertedly during frisbee as well.
the unusual thing is, my production time, has increased. i wasn't trying to be faster, but it has happened.
i did have a conversation with steve in quality control, per the stretching and possible carpal tunnel, and convo with our boss, and expressed to him, that i am not trying to prove anything with how 'fast' i work, it really is a matter of what is comfortable to me. that going slower is more laborious. since steve goes to the gym, i thought he would understand my approach, and he did.\
i have a quandary. a person i work with, nate, we had an incident. i needed help to flip a frame, and jeff had left, and i am not asking sam, even though i am told he would help me, he is 70, and we are keeping positive prospecting that way. nate was buzzing by, he is very managerial, always doing something, rather readily / hastily. so i asked him if he felt strong, and if he would help me flip the frame.
he launched it 90 mph after both of us as we landed on our asses on the hard concrete. shuddered simultaneously, he didn't look at me. no big deal, but it was thunderous and you,?, would kinda expect some shared response / acknowledgement.
any way, on with business as i provided a mental note to self to NOT ask nate to help me flip a frame again! i mentioned to jeff in passing, the racket, and the literal ass on concrete with the frame rocketing chaser.
jeff is a lot more deliberate when flipping the frame. flipping it, in fact, sounds rather flippant to the way jeff turns the frame over with myself or with someone else.
the frame is easy to flip over on one side, and it is difficult on the other. on the difficult side it takes 2 people to swing forward and back at the same time. when i do this with jeff, even if we are in sync, we don't always tip the frame so that we can pull the top end to/e gravity, and thus turn it over.
today, several of the guys i work with had their family visit the shop, got a tour, and saw santa (i work with santa). nate's wife and child came. at some point nate introduced his wife to people he works with and then to me, and she said, rather sharply as she walked by, that i am the person that "almost killed my husband."
i commented readily, that I asked for his help...
I spoke with Jeff, in animation at break, and later. The fact of the matter is half of me is too tired to address this, and the other half burns, in this sense. If someone "wanted" to light my f~i/re, the best way to do that is to come to my job sight which is where i st/a/nd and piss on me for no reason. and this "woman" did it succinct-l-ie-
Jeff thought i should let it go. he told me at the communal fountain where we wash up, that his girl friend jeanie wants to meet me, and i said i want to meet her. he said that nate told jeff, his wife is upset that a woman is working t/here, that she is, verbatim, j-ea-louse- ge-l/ouse-
i didn't "leave" it, and i left jeff at the time clock and went to find nate, and i found him head stuck in a cnc machine. and asked him to look at me. basically, i said, the work here is pretty straight forward, and i didn't ... CALIBRATE for the awkwardness of his wife to piss on me as her fundamental "rig-ht" while I am at work. I didn't know whether she miss-interpreted the opportunity to "mark" on me, or if she was set up by him per a con-verse-ate-i/on-e-. So, I said, I am going to say this, and walk away.
Nate apologized repeatedly for his wife, after he said Thanks (i would just walk a way) as he was never going to hear the end of it at home. He gave me a lot more info, which mounts up, kinda, by association, to be my? problem? that she has never had a job, she is not professional, he didn't know she was going to do this, he can-t- apologize enough, etc.
It made it hard to walk away. So I said as I laughed, that we can't seam to apologize enough.
The quandary is, He said hopefully she wouldn't meet me again. This is too vague for me. She targeted and harassed me at work. She undermined my value to assert in her "way" that I am an accessory to the work and not a right full participant for a reason (i do not shirk).
Split vision, I target and harass you, b.c. of your known lack of follow thru to me t0/0, and I too have lack of follow thru in an interesting enlightening way (the work i now do and for wh-0-, such is the val-ewe- of the d-aye-) however, the difference is, not one of those men are harassed at work, same work, same job, same place. not one of them are questioned, by h-er-ror- or any one apparently t/here.
What is not sitting right with me, is, the problem isn't resolved. I can advocate to call the police if she harasses me again. Not my way. I can kick it in her grill, by introducing her to my virtual blog 0 t'h0n s~0we t hat (e)ye can adv0cate f0/r/m/e (ye) a.s~t i'll e.
-s-he-ha-s-kid- with this "man" and her -too-t-he-ad-d0-t-(s-lot-)h-foul-0- tu be a.r 0/ne ye t' (h) all 0 w e
Today was kind of a slow day, rainy, thought I would leave early. Jeff is very, ..., he reads me. I may surprise him with what he hasn't had the opportunity to read yet, however, he observes, and he gets me, and is a sponsor in a way, encouraging me.
I didn't drive the forklift right away, and I didn't want to. After the guy that previously painted didn't show up..., I started asking for someone to use the fork lift so I could continue painting. I realized I was taking other people from their work, so I gradually learned how to raise and lower it, then the basics, in theory of going forward, backward, gas, brake, clutch, lift, down, and side to side. the 3 wheeled forklift was silly, as the back wheel is on a cable that spins 360, however it is my favorite forklift as i prize its nimble agility. in both instances the shift is to learn to drive from behind/ the back wheel, rather than the front.
jeff teaches me, and tells me how to swoop to cut a corner, being cognizant of the back end, and getting into a position is only half of the problem solving, as you need to get out.
today, was slow, and jeff could tell i needed something to do so he enlisted work from nate on cnc, that i could cut some pieces on the band saw, and i finished that fast... then jeff gave me some options, none that he wanted to offer me as it is dirty and/or requires heavy lifting, or 'women's work' like maybe vacuuming the offices.
no offense, i didn't want 'women's work', i have told him before i don't mind getting dirty as i want to know each process, and now i know, when i de burr, i get black metal chips in my hair that will not stop falling out, so i wear a hat. i chose grinding today, because it intimidates me (it throws sparks) and i want to be more comfortable with it. jeff came out periodically to dissuade me. i know why, it makes you tired. between the lifting of cut steal, wiping down, repositioning, holding the grinder which is kind of heavy, with a concerted grip, in both hands, sensing over use possibilities, and position of my back, to use my core strength, and not let my back give out. it is kind of a constant gamble / balancing act ... trying something new all at once with the levy of cutting yourself.
the thing i couldn't do by myself was change the grinder from coarse head, to paper. you have to unscrew the wheel, and i couldn't make it budge, and i need to change the 2 type of heads often to complete one process on the legs for the frames. i tried hard, as it is important to me to complete a process by myself, but i couldn't make it budge. jeff showed me that you depress a button, that allows you to turn the wheel free (i got that) and that once it is depressed and it catches, you can use 2 hands to turn the wheel loose. still couldn't make it work on my own, however at the end of the day, i managed it. s~owe, small triumphs.
getting my see X (e)ye 0n e wit/h a santa
the DeVlieg Spiramatic Jigmil!
the whole machine is not in the picture frame. when i first worked here, i commented : is it the shop center piece? did anyone use it? it's like something left over from an industrialized Willy Wonka factory!
p.s. the "dud-e-n-ate" thinks he is a saint, and k-no-t-a-say-in-t-
(just imposters, as much as i admire this person's work ethic, i do not admire his feeble minded pursuit of being feeble minded on my account 2 x too) --x- b-ein-g-t-rue- for her "virtue"
i don't know how to go forward on this, as there are several ways, depending on how b/0/le/d (e)ye pre fe/r t/u b~e' s/p 0 ke
i'm still grinding about nate ho-od's- w/i-ft-w/i-fe-e- : "i've"-"a"
first of all, i didn't make the manicured resemblance of not knowing my diction in time and place with space too the hi(gh)er. neither have i failed to articulate a way for(e)w/a rd in re lay t i/0n e w/ my pre sense 0f (t)b ein g.
i still have a problem with nate's ultimately worthless effusive apologies. as he set up this problem, maliciously speaking of me "one-on-e-"
just saying, he propped her up to ad-dress-
and need i point out, no man is questioned in their work there.
which makes me think a number of things, one, i could write a letter to nate, inform this will be on my a r(e)t website, as my rig/ht eve(i)n(n), to illustrate the point he nor his w/i-fe-e- do not have the right to hassle me at work, and what i do outside of work is my art in time t0/ w/0rt~h
funny, neither of these creeps are re lay T i/n g, -and- communally lie on me to support the inefficacy of their harmony in d-ate-i/n-g-. i am being penalized for 1. nate not having skills of his own to re lay t with me e ve/n s 0we. 2. i am being penalized for existing. any w/here.
i spoke with jeff in the welding area yesterday at the end of the day. i should let you know our work on the frames pays for 6 months of shop expenses. i have been told the status quo of the painter/s prior is 2 coats a day. i do 4, and i have taken over the job of the guy that comes after work to de slag the welding beads with chisel and hammer and wipe down the frames at 1.5 hrs a piece. and i handle misc shipping and receiving. and i help jeff prep the pieces with deburring, welding, now grinding with efficacy, and adding delivery (my idea, to have the ability to overlap in knowing how to do this) etc. my value to the shop is producing the output of 2 to 3 people's work each day in one.
i spoke with jeff, pissed off about "i've"-"a" pissing on me from the sidelines, that she should get her nose in the grinder and see if she can keep from cutting her ass, on "account" of having so "much" apparently e. i said neither nate nor iva were the magi, and they did not birth the immaculate one. (and if i take this f-rom- t-hem, "i've"-"a" does not have a b-one- of-t-con-ten-t-i/on-e- too-t/he-be-r-ate-"a"-m/e)
where to start to paint this pig-tour sound. "i've"-"a"- doesn't look resoundingly happy. i saw very little of her in passing, what did register was the "perfectly" placed eye-line-r-. so boring, i have to admit. the perfect little smudge of a-rt-. not particularly light in presence, more amorphous if i had to bequeath a label. she seemed keen (w/ con-vi-c/t-i-on-e-) to address me sharply.
again, the slant, i didn't fail to see the work in front of me presently. nate, actually, nearly got us both killed. his actions. based on his idiocy, lead by her b-re-i/n-s- certain-l-ye- because, nate told me the reason he works in a machine shop is so he doesn't work with women.
i related this to jeff, that nate is a pussy, a christian pussy? and his wife is an ingrate "righteous" bon-bon-ea-t-e-r- w/-all probability. thus, i get why he doesn't look at me when he nearly kills me, for asking help with work that he apparently has many years longer than i relating with, (no act u all e X per i en c e).
so i get "2" for the pr-ice- of "on/-e" at work, to feel righteous for no reason on e me. fucked if i say something at work? in a way that is indelible in t i'm e? and fucked if i don't, as the little f-ucker's, get to-t-(h-)ink- t-hey-e- a.re all ye rig/ht 0 pen l~y e & i'm the misfit, on my own account (gone missing) apparently (tap- and- gap- and app- is the "consecrated" value t-hey-e- "get" out of my pre sense).
curiously, i was thinking about the, well, purity of things, based on the per-pose- or pur(e)pose. what we have today T, is "T"... let's look at nuts the don't fall far (-e-) from the t-re-e-.
the point is, what appears as purity on purpose, is, well, it isn't pure, it wasn't derived p u/r e ly e. so what looks like a synthesis of resolve over time, to become a state of mind and a nomenclature of being t w/h fi n/e (is not even an approximate value in "man's" stor(e)ye li(e)ne ). it merely looks pure, as there is no challenge n e/a. r e, nore can be in the "time" too-t/he-ta-ke-(ye)-p-t-
i was at whole foods last night, they do this sale at 10 to 12 pm around christmas. there was some skin product i wanted, and thought to wait till this time to see if it would go on sale and it did. curiously, i was at sephora for an exfoliating scrub, and the clerk had me go to a computer and fill out a questionnaire with radial buttons on the screen and then the computer told me what i wanted, and none of it was an exfoliating scrub, and i reiterated to the clerk i wanted an exfoliating scrub, and the clerk said, per the computer, that i wanted other. i got samples of "other" tried the many "colors" and then went to whole foods and asked bill in passing his recommendations, and found the acure scrub. like, exactly what i wanted. didn't need it right a way, waited till december and it was on sale.
i've gone to wholefoods after hours sale before. it is perverse in the deli area. and while there may be good deals there, i prefer not to see "people" be-having- like "wild animals", and told that to the clerk, and just stayed in the bath and body section. before leaving, i saw bill, he turned me onto a better vitamin. (i don't really take vitamins, it is an after thought / every once in a while, i think i should try something and so i do, and these were 50% off, so i got a vitamin that i can take for about 3 months, and that will probably be the extent of what i do for the year, seeing if i notice a difference, or not).
i was looking for a whole food capsule and i had selected one and bill said that brand didn't use real food, but the pictures on the package, i pointed out, he said t-hey-e- could do that, as they use "some" whole food. ... so i got a better vitamin, and then i thought i might get a lip gloss from the acure line and i was in front of the mirror, which also housed a lot of mineral makeup on the counter and a woman was there trying on lipsticks and she asked me if the red she tried was too much. she said it made her feel "made up."
to me, i thought it was cheery with what she was wearing, a red sweater, red glitter nails, i mean, it was hard to identify, among all that was made up, what wasn't made up: the red lipstick looked in sync. then she went on to say that 'we' had to be careful of feathering of lipstick. i am assuming at 'our' age. and she showed me all the lip liners, testing them on her hand for me to see as with other lipstick colors, and i commented on one as a rich burnished orange (which i didn't like, but she said she had that one all ready and it was her favorite). then she showed me the eyeliners, and i got the whole scoop of why she like this brand over that brand and these are really great buys and she is willing to buy even though she knows she doesn't need them "now" she "knows" she will need them in the future.
i wasn't exactly put off, although i did question the whole g-room-ing-c-a/m-er-a-n/e-ed- (camera = room in italy). i questioned her sp ea. c h. and was thankful i could not prognosticate a need for "all" the make-up- accoutrements -0- pen-l-ye- f/f0r/m/e
i apologize, my communication is all over the place, and that is about, well, the way, to jump an ye w/ay e.
the point is, what appears as purity on purpose, is, well, it isn't pure, it wasn't derived p u/r e ly e. so what looks like a synthesis of resolve over time, to become a state of mind and a nomenclature of being t w/h fi n/e (is not even an approximate value in "man's" stor(e)ye li(e)ne ). it merely looks pure, as there is no challenge r w/ ea. r it d 0/nt s hi ne a.r ~ne d~
for me, the value of christain wise-dome- i/s-love of/f-ea-r-e- lig-i/on-e-
lig= ta-ke ad-d-vantage of-f-re-e- par-t-ie-s-, t-r/ave-l-, or other b/e-n/e-fi-t-s- offered by com/p-an-ie-s- for publi-c-i/ty pe/r-p/ose-s-
"ive"-"a" m-arked on me f-x-f-re-e-l-ie- "2" sus-st/a-i/n- thanks-0-pen-ly-e- on e me
how does this penalize my future for no reason dispensed by her h-a/nd-
first of all, nate was one of the people that was supposed to teach me on the cnc per the grant i am getting for 3 months of paid training via the a-hem, "st-a/te" (i would say 'state' however in-n-ate- has reduced the pur~eye t~(d)ye )
i am penalized in how i am treated or not treated, my learning curve, and still penalized by "i've"-"a" for e L~e/a.r n~i/ng 0/n e m(e)y e 0(w/)n~e // my whole past sir-cum-scribed- in he-r-out-l-as-t-e-
i see the religion of ownership for no reason as malicious, and the malicious con-verse-ate-i/on-e- was fostered in t-he-i/r-e-"home" first lie. iva can be jealous all she wants that i am working (at all, in honest estimation) b-c- she is fostering all women to be prostitutes 0 pen ly e while she "pro-claims" ve/rt-u- "2" -x- to/o-
and, no secret, it grates, this grates, that these "2" t-(h-)ink- they are providers t0/0. t-heir-e-value- exists on screwing me too the "tooth"-e-
and, no secret, it grates, this grates, that these "2" t-(h-)ink- they are providers t0/0. t-heir-e-value- exists on screwing me too the "toot/h"-e-
so, do i be bold and kick this back in t-heir grill, because i c/an. and make it as large as t-hey-e- n/e-ed-e/b-t-w/h0-t'-f-eel-t-r/u-st-e-
so, do i be bold and kick this back in t-heir grill, because i c/an. and make it as large as t-hey-e- n/e-ed-e/b-t-w/h0-t'-f-eel-t-r/u-st-e- all-e-
all right, i'll keep exploring this, as this "in/c-i-den-t" is not the only "one" i h/ave t~0/0 t/h~e w0rk w/~
i would prefer my money making work were straight forward, and this is a kink for me as it is not resolved. and i will not stand for "i've"-"a" to st-ink- on me without uni verse all penalty, in that she gets to wear her p-arse-d- worth openly too/th e m(e)ye re lay t day t i/r (e) 0/n i c ally e
do you see what is going on? she is s-hi-t- on me w/ the value of 0 pen ly e (but it is really -0- pen -l - ye-) (just like 'metal' if we follow it thru : metal is used for transmute-tie-on-e-c-up- : metal is used for war and bu-l/l-e-t-re-as-u/r-e- : there fore 'metal' slanted in "infinite" competitive industry should be proper e LY e stated and slated in st e a.d. as me-t-all- a-n/d- me-t-al(l-) i/f-t/ye-"like"
do you see what is going on? she is s-hi-t- on me w/ the value of 0 pen ly e (but it is really -0- pen -l - ye-) (just like 'metal' if we follow it thru : metal is used for transmute-tie-on-e-c-up- : metal is used for war and bu-l/l-e-t-re-as-u/r-e- : there fore 'metal' slanted in "infinite" competitive industry should be proper e LY e stated and slated in st e a.d. as me-t-all- a-n/d- me-t-al(l-) i/f-t/ye-"like" "2" fxf -a.m.- ill -y e (with 0ut c 0n t/r/a c/t i 0/n e in t i'm e = fxf a.m i'll ye )
you haven't actually earned family as a value, you have earned as a value to "create" opposites for no reason and apposites for no reason = fen-c-e- si'-t-t/e-r-s-e-
let me tell you about your fence sitterse, as you believe the law "is" for everyone. and it isn't. your image gets you "a-lo-t" -and- you get the apparent value of that lot, unchallenged (in-n- a/nd-0f-f-)
thanks? for passing on your challenge.
here is the thing i have been driving at, your "house-industries-work" is an e-go-salve-
however, i do see one viable option to your direction or dereliction. no man is questioned in his work at this metal machine shop, and i reserve my right to not be harassed or questioned, as i am there because i am competent to be.
ps. "i've"-"a" her comment slants me as the non value producer (when it is really her -a-war/e- times- w/-ea-r-) // again i do not have an improper occupation with metal to flip it on me with full force and gravitational girth to flatten me for no reason, and anyone standing near me. these were her husbands actions and not mine. ho-weaver- she made me "out" to wear t-hem-in-t-i'm-e-.
you'r an image, what a woman is ordinarily, and a woman pursing her image (even for no reason) is not questioned, as it is within and along the i-d/e-a.-l/l-e-g-0/n-e-w/ri(g-h)t- c-om-mer-c-i-all-z-e/a.-l-e-
you'r an image, what a woman is ordinarily, and a woman pursing her image (even for no reason) is not questioned, as it is within and along the i-d/e-a.-l/l-e-g-0/n-e-w/ri(g-h)t- c-om-mer-c-i-all-z-e/a.-l-e- d/e-a-l/l-e-
the fact of the matter is, i don't think i need to re lay t with you at all to get what i want, i merely need to re lay t 0/n e/we ;)
is that what your image is doing (due ing) to?o?
"eloquently free" of accoun/t ability e
while i have a bit of free wayward time, i have a spiral notebook i plot the week's agenda and notes that occur to me, since I started working.
by the way, my boss's are not the w/h-0- eye to w/ i/n question, it is, well, i'll get to it, in my notes, the me-t-al/l-e-x-change- a-r/ound the w/-or-ld-in-s-co-p/e-
going back to page one:
starting the painting of the frames, i was asked if i like it, and i can answer from 2 points of reference, one as a painter, only, i may not like it, as the c channel shaped steel and v shaped can be strategically cumbersome (however i treat each with an appropriate strategic tool to accomplish redundancy in time given as t'h'ea. ven (t)d's and s~0we 0/n e), and the other point of reference is understanding the strength in the design. i'm saying i could complain about all the articulated shapes as a painter only, or i can appreciate the design of strength, ea.ven if it is over engineered inherently e w/h~ap p(ea.)le
by the way, somewhere in those 16 hr work days, i didn't eat lunch, because i heard they were doing a pot luck lunch on wed, and that was the next day, and i didn't know if this was a group of guys that didn't plan, or did plan, so bought chips for the next day at work, which turned out to not be the pot luck lunch day, so i ate chips for lunch, and i had donuts for breakfast (someone bought to work) and on my way to lice, all i had available to eat for dinner was chocolate candy at the salon. bummer.
i re coil e d & set out the next day to plan fresh fruit salad a plenty to eat for the week, and raw vege salad in the evening. another wed came, and still no pot luck, and i am thinking i am working with a group of long range planners. would have had a lot more camaraderie if "i've"-"a" hadn't st-uck her fo-ot-i/n- ea.-r-i/t-b-ea.-r-t/h-e/a.-d.-aye-
i don't give up on the work for christine as she understands these bu-ye-as/s-e-d- problems in the work place as facile lye as t(e)ye t'd ew/e a.r t'be(e)s/p 0/k e in st(r)ing t i'm e.
a/r(e)t con t/R 0 VErse (i) all
i have in my notes : gillies beer poutine loop, from a conversation with a coworker. per haps i meant lo/o-p- ap/p.r.0ve-d-
i made a connection with the amish and their refusal to use electricity and it had to due with the vw andy purchased and that the electricity was bad in these cars from germany, and the vw is made in germ? an(-d-)y -e- to-g-ether- // along with the comment at work to me if the electricity is unhooked (e)ye can't get z-ap/ped-
really the a.m. is h, can't get z-ap-ped- by hi-t-le-r- if they are not bu-y/e-in-g- too the e le c/t r/i city- e. g.-r i.d.-
hitler is merely a manifestation of competition already in place by the jews tu/b-e- "a.("i")d." : he built upon t-heir-e-p.r.-e-m/is-e-tu-bu-ye-tw/h-0-le-a.g-u-(y)e-
gilty pleasure, i just mixed fage whole milk greek yogurt with lemon curd.
these notes are probably about "paul drinan" : need all women too the keep face great "uni-verSE-AL-ly-e-" but it could easily be about "i've"-"a" & in-n/ate- ho-od-e- (their last name is hood, however the ho od 'ode' is too the 'od-e-' own-l-ye- & not to me, obviously as all ready demon stra-i-t-e-d- o- pen- l-ie-
or i wouldn't be held in p-l-ace to sup/port t-heir lie with my f/ace & no words of worth too t/he re lay t. nor with an ass-um/p-t-i/0n-e- all -re-ad-ye-mad-e- t/hat (e)ye do no t r/ate & do no t ra(i)t e.
i am supplying 6 months of shop operations expenses at a cut value rate as i am doing the work 2 to 3 times faster and the work of 2 to 3 people if not more with my 0ne, which nate hood pro-fi-t's f-rom-, for his "wife" to s-hi-t- all-the-t-i'm-e-on-, and what i get for this besides s-hi-t-i'm-e-di's-may-e-, is the opportunity to learn on my own how to contribute inside and outside the shop, in spite of t-heir -e-f/f-o-rt-s- too-the-b-ran-d- me as u/r e ("no-t-much")... i "get" to also carry the bur-den of stupidity -x- idiocy, lo-rd-ing over me, as the value producer to apparent ly carry my value for-e-war-d- for/m/e? with a garnish meant of "virtue-o/us-i/t-ye-" walking, talking ,and carrying "o/n"-e- w/-inn-de-pen-den-t-ly-e-s-pea-king-
nate's apologies lo-rd- o/ver -t- me, in that he can't re lay t without creating gel-louse-see- at "home" and this is not my fault he has a gel louse at home. his home isn't a value, the nagging that goes on t-here for no reason is not a value, and keeping his brain from thinking except for the nagging-in-s-u/r-e-ans- is not a value just the s/a.m.e ve/in
i don't know how to look rightly at this person. honestly. and i have to subdue the itch to kick the c-rap-out-a-h-i'm-. i can't look at him and think he has something to t'each. t-each, most certain "ly"-e- t-hat-(e-)ye-c-an- "count" on-e-
to think a "whole" life was lived this way on misery's b-itch... and he por-e-t-r/aye-s- it on me as i/f t (e)ye should car(e)r/ye t-"hym"-n-o/we-
paul can't let me question "one" "man" among h-i'm- as that would put all men in question e vain.
f ac tor, f ac t ore
x can be only what paul t-ink/s-on-e-
in-effective of w-ill-and-s-c/o-p-(-i-)e-
inn-effective of w/-ill-and-s-c/0-p(-i-)e-
the art of bein/g 0 pre sent
the art of bein/g a pre sent
in re duct i/on e too the re claim (m)it(t)
mit= german= with
mitt = german= me mo
i am supplying 6 months of shop operations expenses at a cut value rate as i am doing the work 2 to 3 times faster and the work of 2 to 3 people if not more with my 0ne, which nate hood pro-fi-t's f-rom-, for his "wife" to s-hi-t- all-the-t-i'm-e-on-, and what i get for this besides s-hi-t-i'm-e-di's-may-e-, is the opportunity to learn on my own how to contribute inside and outside the shop, in spite of t-heir -e-f/f-o-rt-s- too-the-b-ran-d- me as u/r e ("no-t-much")... i "get" to also carry the bur-den of stupidity -x- idiocy, lo-rd-ing over me, as the value producer to apparent ly carry my value for-e-war-d- for/m/e? with a garnish meant of "virtue-o/us-i/t-ye-" walking, talking ,and carrying "o/n"-e- w/-inn-de-pen-den-t-ly-e-s-pea-king-t-rue-
t-heir child is a bu-ye-pro-du/ct- of-re-e-all-i-t-ye-
you do understand who is going without actually e
seriously, i can't believe i go to work in a machine shop and get s-hi-t- on by a "man" and his sign-if-i-can-t- ether- , and d-um/p-ed-o/n-e- because of "his" pity-full sit-u-ate-i/on-e-, t-hat-e-ye- am "simultaneou sly" blamed for, even the history of their relationship to this very day, "she" had the opportunity to shit on me "0" pen ly, as if it were her rig ht o way.
layered, with christian optimism, that has never seen the lig ht' day, never stops the "optimism" re-lay-t-i/n-g-i've-n-(t-)d's-e/nd's-
layered, with christian optimism, that has never seen the lig ht' day, never stops the "optimism" re-lay-t-i/n-g-i've-n-(t-)d's-e/nd's- on e m(e)ye s aye. just saying art fully. t-heir "god" sup-ports t-hem, and mi/n~e ve(i)n t's a c/art for/m/e to speak heave n/0we i/n g*
eye fora i re serve the rig ht 2 x t0 not be harassed at work & for the art i p.r.e serve (i)n e m(e)ye w/0r(e)t~h 2 0 re lay t my t u/r fxf
eye fora i re serve the rig ht 2 x t0 not be harassed at work & for the art i p.r.e serve (i)n e m(e)ye w/0r(e)t~h 2 0 re lay t my t u/r fxf e/e d aye too the re p(l)ea.t an0 t/heRe a.d.ye
eye a. r(e)t in~s at is f/a ct i/0n e*a.r~t e
so, you think i should keep this to my sel f, a/nd not sell fxf? on your -e- lo-t- ?
the irony is the art is a rt (route), and the "art" of the patriarchy-christianity-j-ewe-s-, it is an art that is sel-l-f-x-f-serve-i-/n-g-at-b-ea.-r-t-"h"
the 'h' doesn't really re lay t, as s/po k e/n to day t
& "nate" b-rings- the convo at "home" to me, and for me, to w/-ea-r-e- based on his be-lie-f- t-hat-his- aye-a/r-t- is-every-e-thing-e-
w/hen & pen t/here isn't a choice g. i've n (t)d's~e n/d's~a.m.e(a.)g.a/in~n (i apparently resonate with no one p(l)ay i/n g a.m.e in~s ave in~s 0we. g. 0 all e. g. 0
i forgot to mention, besides contact dermatitis below my ear, i have had it on the b/ri.d.ge of my nose. it weaps thru the plasticized skin pores when i use the sulpher soap. i'm trying to get on board here inside and out, to make this go away, as i've had this for nearly 2 months which is too long fora t rope.
me mo 2 sel l fx.f, do not ask in-n/ate- fore 'help' as-s-he-w/-ill hell-p-
the irony is the art is a rt (route), and the "art" of the patriarchy-christianity-j-ewe-s-, it is an art that is sel-l-f-x-f-serve-i-/n-g-at-b-ea.-r-t-("h")-rue- "h"ue-
me mo 2 sel l fx.f, do not ask in-n/ate- fore 'help' as-s-he-w/-ill hell-p-f-x-f-0re-re-el-e-too-t/he-i-st-e/a-l-e-x-st-e/e-l-
building -c-r/ap-as-s- a. m./e-a.-l/l-e-
in t (ea.) t i'm e t0/g e t/h~e r/e m0 r(e)t w/'s k i'll in tm e as u re
your Me-all- has no g/rounding , X c~e p/t 0/n e me all s~0we yew-ef-t-fag-got- pen-e-t-"rate"-ing-w/-"i.d."-t-h- un-mi-x-e-d-
y-ou/r -e- sac-r/i-fi-c-e- "4" at-ten-t-i/on-e- in-ten-t-i/0n-e- all-a-"miss"- aka "fag-got-in-n-s-p/i-re-r--
moving on my notes to g ether w/ hat (L) eve r
e.g.g dehydrates w/h eat g/r~e at/e
d ea.t h 2 0 re lay t d ay t w/h us~s ha/k~e i/n e' w/h~is per (r)i/n~g(g)
de si'/r~e : i/s t all ways sel(l) f x f e vi d/en t
2 the direction of re st 0/r~e ve(i)n
f~i/s 'h' ea.v~e n. sel~l fi/s~'h' 2 h 0/m e. g. r/e at e
your Me-all- has no g/rounding , X c~e p/t 0/n e me all s~0we yew-ef-t-fag-got- pen-e-t-"rate"-ing-w/-"i.d."-t-h- un-mi-x-e-d- "&" d-r/aw/-e- "re-v-elation" on-nit- con-s-p/i-re-d- too-t-he-l/l-0-de-all-a-w/-s-o-w/e-d-r-ag- 0/d-r-ug-i've-n-am-e- in-on-e-st-a-nd-
your scene, as pictured above on your "face-book-p-age-" too-t-he-re-lay-t-0/(w/-)n-l-ie-n- on someone that isn't signing up for your be-spoke-in-ten-t-
your scene like in-ga- sup-po/rt's t/hat is of no relevance to act u all ye. g. i've re side n/c~e. ie if "e/nd" of 'metal' is to support war as a ware around the world ie uni-verse-al/l-ye-, it really should be termed me-t-all-, and paul drinan only has "work" for me, and not the 'common' understanding of 'work' in re all i t~ye, and english as in-ga-(p-) would "like" me to speak own-lie on "her" face-book-p-age- as if she ha.d. a redeeming pre sense of her own e t0/ne t' line, s~trait a/nd e n/arr0w e type, the classist-ass-makes my value go unseen. and 'english' as be-spoke-n-ow/e- should really be seen as "englis-h-" : your scene masks the real matter too the re lay t wit~h 2 0' st a/rt i/n g~0/d e all s~0/we -al-t-he-t-i'm-e-
paul drinan's significance as a "man" has interchangeable par-t-'s that is why he c-an get another "man" to do his "business" with me w/-ea.r-t- & i am meant to abide in "h-is" reflection, for no reason, except the scene "demonstrates" that he has had a par-t- in p.r0/t-e-ct-i/on-e-" from the convenient unknown he fo-e-st-air-e-d- 0- h-a-nd-i/n-n/e-r-0ver-e-&-d-r-0-ve/r-t- 0/n e me
like i said, who am i to speak to/o x 2, we haven't discussed the time off work i took to go the "p.d." in person...
compartmentalized dysfunction, like your "house" and "home" e vain sum-e-on-e-
it is "too" -x- "2" easy for you to reflect on any "man" like z-ac-h-t-, to with draw my value from/e too the re-ad-0-pe/n-l-(y)e-ad-e-
w/ile taking away my means to live on your "meaning full" terms of paying with me on/e ye as~t (e)ye. g. 0~ see/n 0 w/e
we can lament that i/s-is- cuts off the head's of people, yet no one laments that my h ea. d is cut off by paul for(c-e-) s(h-)owe-in-c-0- re-l-at-e- i/on-s-co-p/e-d-e/b-t-r/op/e- d-e(b)-tu-g/a-w/ar-e-in-sec-0-nd-chance-o/b-s/erve-d- 0 - "w/it-h/0-p-e-"
paul "t-ink-s-he- has the rig ht to bla("h")me me, after putting in my t i'm e int0 x 2 hi-s-he-i/s-t-i/n-dust-r/ye- he de fi/n e d, with him self, without a worry for being seen as a crime, stealing my d i'm e before h a/nd i/n~ne/r t i'm e
if he steals my dime, for being just fi/n e, i for a n'e ye, can't afford to expose the crime.
he doesn't have the right, too the t/e n/d miss tarry e, or he would h/ave t' be sp ok e n act u ally e. he is blaming me for his lack of desire, and penalizing me "f-o/u-r-e-"hi-re-
funny, his e-motions, are never questioned, ie his emotions for no reason, are not a value statement in any se~a./s 0/n e. & mi/n e, are quest-i-on-e/d- e/b-t- all-t-he-t-i'm-e-
he "thinks" b.c. i have not "earned" the money to expose his-he-is-t-c-r-i'm-e-, i haven't earned the right, w/hen the f/act of the matter is i haven't earned the "rig-ht", and i t'each verse-sus t-each-0-w/-it-my-t-r/an-s-po/se-d-b-lig-ht-
paul is "seen" as the person to w/-n-owe- // and your c hr is t m as/s i/n g as/s i/n g, is all may-d-up-e-, so is the sigh t, of the "ho-ly-e-sea-t-ye- "times" c-(i-)t-(ye-)
main e t' del awe a.r t 'h' 0 2 h0ck a sin s h0 w/e t0r/r(e)ye. g.0
main e t' del awe a.r t 'h' 0 2 h0ck a see/n(0we)in/n~ s h0 w/e re s~s~s~ t0r/r(e)ye. g.0 t/'h' ere all s~0we
y 0/u-r- ill-u/s-i/on-e- makes be-t-h-le-h-em -co-re-in-s/t-0r-e-ye-t-m0-re-moor-e-st-r/i-fe-d/o-u-b-le-d/0-0re-
in search of p.r.-ey-e-on-e-
i woke up tired, and didn't go the gym, however min0 and i have gone to the fields to run yesterday (61 degrees) and today. it seems it is going to turn to the 30's early in the week, and his heated car seat won't be here until about the 10th, so after the fields i worked on an idea, which is a carseat tee pee. i took the old down comforter that i have sewed several times with various threads, and folded it 2'x and 4x's in some places, and then encased the whole thing in silky, calendered, ripstop parachute fabric, with 2 zipper heads, webbing pull outs, and have positioned it in the car with one bungee cord to keep it in place. it's done. it is a pod and when the heated car seat comes, we should be able to continue into the lower degrees. i check. with the woolen car coat (aka, a sweater that used to belong to me, i made a 2 layer car coat) keeps him warm, as i can put my hand inside and check the temperature of the dog in the car, and thus his comfort. it has been rated for as low as 37 although 40's to 50's is my preference.
i looked into a kennel down the street from work, i could hear a lot of dogs barking, i would have to spend over 100 dollars on shots which i don't believe in, the kennel cough etc, however min0 is up to date on his rabies. and then 20 a day, for a 5 day work week = 400 a month, plus 400 a month i spend on gas and tolls. not funny, when i understand the dogs are put in a box, and i have a box, a car, and if he is in my car, we can connect several times a day, and play, socialize, and get treats.
there are 3 dogs at work with their owners that work there. the boss, doesn't want me to have my dog inside as it might make the other 'workers' "jealous"... i don't get the 'line' of rational, however it doesn't concern me to think about it, even though i have a place to start, thinking about -i/t- if i want to. if anything were to make some "one" jealous, it would be my self sufficiency. and in this, all things are not created equal, and thinking about "others" that are not PRE SENT will not make the f/act u all e pt e quality bet~ta(i)r~e
more thoughts from ye(a.)ster day's po st's aye: me-t-all- = - u-l-time-m/ate-l/y-e- f-x-f-o/r-e-war-e- "metal" is ultimately for war, and for engines and machines to build the s-c/ar- too-th'-c/ar-r/ye- as if the "you" has earned the rig/ht thru t-heir-e-me-on/e-ye- to move at t/hat speed, and carry a gun for no reason e tu b/e ration ally e
s-c/ar-t-i/ng- t-he-t-i'm-e-in-g- as with any-0-/n-e- t-hat-may-k-s-be-l/ie-ve- = l-eave-
"men" using e-motions to fu-el- f-ew/e-l/le- in-sigh-t-see-in-g-t-ail-
paul can "maintain" a position of apparent strength and self esteem as long as he g-lean-a-reflection for no reason i/ng
about in-ga- and her "h" with which s-he-t-(h-)inks-, & Paul drinan, having another "man" at the "p.d." do the work of his sp ea. k i/ng to me, keeps me from speaking and being h ea. r d act yl ly & even actually, t-here-f-ore- t-h/ey-e- earned value in relief, but it is re-lie-f- // i-t "all " simply am-mo-un-t-s- "2" compartmentalized dysfunction, over-shot, and over-k-ill-e-d in the re-lie-f- of no one re all. oh yes, and t-ank-you-for-t-he-t-ill-
paul thinks he has the right to be irrational because there is only "work" for him as with any "body", however, not every "body" crosses boundaries to proclaim "one" the value of my spoken word i keep and am too the T, as their "own", "and" use the police department to make me leave t-hem-all-a-s/s-own-e-, st-a-nd-ing- on e me, i am meant to proclaim to no body. paul ha.d. an opportunity and he chose to squat on me for-c-e-s-how-ing- on ryan on the jobsite, and too-the-p.d.- lassoing-in-n- susan has-son, to speak for her re-pre-sent-ate-i/on-ally-e-, and annexing me thru the "p.d." to not speak to any-body- he associates with per hi-s-car-e-in-g-0/n-e-ed-too-the-se-e-d-
"and" he st-ill expects to be exonerated, for choosing out right to shit on me, to show his dominance as a choice, for no reason to be. lets not forget with holding my money for his "work" which he feels is fine now that i have written it in my time, working over "time" to have the means too, at the "time" if he new he did not represent with f/a(i)re, he really could have told me 2 x too, rather than tell me a lie, get free work and good work out of me, shit on me by creating a scene for another "man" to "eat" and penalize me for not following thru on his "lie" too-t-he-, which he didn't present that way even t(h)rue. "he" thinks he should be exonerated from his "stink" 0 pen ly, and i think and feel otherwise, for w/hen is "time" going to change but when at the T i'm e pre sent ed. paul for his "a/rt" does not present himself as irrational at heart. i haven't met anyone that can "shit" so effusively, beligerantly, and "theatrically" for no reason. ap-paul-ing-
there are 3 dogs at work with their owners that work there. the boss, doesn't want me to have my dog inside as it might make the other 'workers' "jealous"... i don't get the 'line' of rational, however it doesn't concern me to think about it, even though i have a place to start, thinking about -i/t- if i want to. if anything were to make some "one" jealous, it would be my self sufficiency. and in this, all things are not created equal, by the sa.m.e desire to be see k well (e) x sequel
i've been thinking about paul and the day he did his theatrics, and i am not so certain it was just about stealing from me, i think it could possibly be about stealing from ryan too, as ryan showed respect to me, my ability in working on the job site, for which i also set him up and taught and treated respectfully. paul could have been trying to compete on ryan. all i do know, is the course of our relationship, concerning the sewing for susan has-son, was an after thought. the thing that "weighted" the most, was to step on me for his "show" as ho-st-e-
beyond that, paul is narcissistic, as he "think's" i don't need to pay my way and do this, turning his bedding for him, as if he gave an honest shit (he would h/ave s0 sayet/h e w/0 men).
there is no reason for what paul d-i.d.- on me, except t-here- is no reason. he chose to cross his me-one-ye- making boundaries, and take more than he could a fxf 0 r/d 0 pen ly e. ultimately, he can keep my money, but he will not keep my value to w/ea. r 0 pen ly e.
on his "own" paul drinan has sim-pull-eye- allow-e-d-my value tu-b-e-s-own-d-
bob, the tenant here that had cancer, and he was going to have an operation and i said i hoped his doctor was feeling prime, and he had a love of shepherd's pie and he bought all the ingredients except the onion, and he waxed poetic about onion in shepherd's pie as it gave texture that he really liked, has died. bob's story in short, he was homeless, finally got a place, got cancer, got an operation, i am told he seemed chipper after, and died on the heels of that. i am told he said he couldn't die, as his mom was still alive. i was told she died, then bob died.
christine, recently, had an employee steal money from her using the square to put clients money into her square acct. shocked as i know this person to be an anchor for her other salon. asked christine about it recently, and she said she wants to press charges but it is a lot of work, telephone records, etc, and i added i know, as someone owes me money, and even thou what they are doing, stealling 1000 dollars "plus" from me makes them a felon several times over, it is effort to address in the court, plus all the r & d to prepare, especially for liars.
she said she communicated to meet with this person without going to court, to sort this out, and the person was open, then the person con-ven-e-d- with her husband, and then basically told christine to go fuck her self. i said to christine, you didn't go in strong enough and t-hey-e- rallied on t-heir-e-de-fen-s-e-
don't think for one moment, me acting like a civil citizen with paul, addressing him in person, being my word as given (t)d's, is because i am inordinately weak in character or spirit or duplicitious self presentation. i have given him every civil opportunity to be upright with 0 me in knit. he has sim-pull-eye- di-l/at-e-d- o-ve-r-t-i'm-e- with any -0-/n-e-s-he-i/s-t--c-an-fine-d-too-st-a/m-p-fine-d-i/n-n/e're-i/t-
reit= ride, germany,
re-it= r-i.d.-e-, ger/m-any-e- t-ank's-ap-paul-o-g(-u-)ye-
d.ea-r- in-n/ate-h0-0d- i take pains with your estimation that i am not origin all ea. ven. for your ga-in- to pis-s-in- ag-gain-
he thinks i am duping people in my "wake"...
weld the arse-in-all-to-g-ether-too-th-e-
ars e/n all : house of the art industry upgrade your e. g. a.m. e tu/b e 0/n e the s/a.m. e plain b~i p lan e ~0 r/i~g i/n de note i/n~g a d/0 c/k f0r s h/i p's~
p0 st s/c r/i p/t c/a(i)re t0 b~i/t serve d's 0we
if paul drinan knows, all work is dishonest, he is specifically making gains on the honest, that hear his word, observe it as their o(w/)n e, wile s-he-is-t-in-ten-t-i/on-all-too-th'-0/b-s(w/-)erve-
i am just saying there is no way, paul can be exonerated for pretending he doth need f eas~(e)a.b le as e d/e si re the s a.m.e on his "own" or with susan has-son-0- g r/am a w/are all s~0~w/e
so he considers the honest his "sow-e"
and "stands" to ta-ke "short-cuts" on those that believe in a(i)re f/0re. didn't hitler do this also? does not is-is do this on the women they kill for no longer being a value to sow t-heir- oat's-in-to-week-bu-ye-weak-
as a woman that once believed the lie of the patriarchy, paul drinan is actively advancing on the ignorance he claims he wishes to alleviate (so he can chase infinite tail with no reason to fail) yet stands staunchly again-st-e- a revelation 0 circumstance "person-all" in his nature-d-oh-
so he will take my money, and forbid me to speak, wear the value of my worth as my word too the p ea. k, and reflect "beautiful ly" on the e b/bu ye fxf a(i)re 0(w/)ne, uni verse al ly e, all by shitting on me "indiscriminate-ly-e-" and making it so i can't pay my way with my virtue (b ein g my w/0 rd) even too x 2 day t here all ye.
he has turned my t i'm e. g. i've n, against me, for no reason, for his lack of reason and de si` re too the sp are. he uses my money and time to market a j/0/b on the face of it, with my face value (found no w/here), that is why it is feasible. i did 2 weeks of work i did not get paid for. i gave my time to solicit his bid so he would get it, i gave my time to also look at a pattern, r & d, for fabric and materials for his "friend" susan has-son, and gave me time to get the materials, and started sewing them.
and i am still meant to revive an interest in my ? own? life, when the bollard, et all, "writes" paul drinan up, and not "up" c loser.
he "beams" on por-t-land, as an actor that can't factor an honest route t'out. he can act like one, and penalizes anyone he squats on for no reason except to make an imp-press-i-on-, steals their money as his "own", and employ's the police department to "toothe" his wit-ness-, out-lining- who i can or cannot speak with, or i will be arrested for "harrassment" when any "word" he "speaks" is harassment to steall the whole observe as 0(w/)n e & de served week bu ye weak.
he does not t each, he- t-each. and he is "willing" to step on e tu-b/e- e- p.r.0-found- in-t-he-f-o/re-c-a/s-t-all-a-round-
yet he gets to w/ear the recognition of st/0ne. stone-d- too-the-t-hr-0-w-e- gain-st-e w/e for-c-e-s-h-o-w/e-go-a.d.- u(e)-p.r.-o/u-d-
paul drinan has nothing n ew/e to t'each the world, and it "show's"
i may think all work in a competitive marketplace is dishonest for the human race too the bomb each other for no reason in p-l-ace-, the follow thru is sore ly e lacking a s/p i re all 0/ne 'h' 2 'h' 0/m e very e t(h)ing re at e, however, i forthrightly put for e w/a rd my stance, who i am as/s my st/a/nd, and i don't sk-ew/e-too-the-ta-ke-a.d.van-t-ag/e-ye-t-al/l-s-owe-may-k- with a different f/ace apparent l ye that speaks of kin ship to make (without a way & wake. b/as/e d 0/n de si re f i/r st l ye too the re lay t) x (one on/e per fe c/t l ye t/ho u se/e~ d/ate)
paul "s-p-rout's" making a difference he doesn't actually c/a(i)re to o'le live w/it~h -and- he is-t-"proud"-of-"i/t"-0/0-t'he-s-0we-g-0-ad-i/n-
he has turned my t i'm e. g. i've n, against me, for no reason, for his lack of reason and de si` re too the sp ar/e. he uses my money and time to market a j/0/b on the face of it, with my face value (found "n-owe" no w/here t0/0 x 2 e.g. 0 t/here t0/g ether e f/a(i)r~e), that is why "i/t" is feasible. i did 2 weeks of work i did not get paid for. i gave my time to solicit his bid so he would get it, i gave my time to also look at a pattern, r & d, for fabric and materials for his "friend" susan has-son, and gave me time to get the materials, and started sewing them. "paul" is not paying his way e ve(i)n, yet appears to make gains and contributions with the value of my face, unseen, as-s-he-di-l/ie-ate-s-0/n-e-me t0/0-t-h/e-ta-ke-
p.s. "paul" "drinan" is not the messiah, rather the mess-i-a/h-. he can't stand on his own naked e/b too t/h e a.d dress at be st e. but-t-he c-o-ver-t-me a.s -s-0wn-e-tu-b/e-e-p.r.-out-0-f/f-i/t-all-0(w/-)n-e-
t-hus-s- owning m'ye as/s et for-c-e-s-h/0-w/e-g-0-
paul drinan has the "rig-ht" to contact you for a Lie, a L(-0ve) i- e-(very-e-t-(h-)ing-e-) g.-g(-u-)ye- t ho u se/a. t(e)ye (for no reason on high) (parading around "elemen-t-ally-e-too-t/he-sky-e-).
the pur(e) ye f 0ra i, n eve r hap pen d 0/n~igh t, and o(w/-)n-ly-0-ver-t-i'm-e- tu-b/e-scene-f-x-f-0/r/t-he-"seeing"
t-hat is why paul drinan can misread me constant-ly-e- and vi-ew/e- me any-e-w/-aye-he-"want's" -a/nd-p-lease-s-
n/0we "who" is the accessory in life for no reason e tu/b pre sent 0/n e m'ye d~i'm e re as 0/n e.
"he" f-eel's -a/nd- fe/e-l's "for a reason"
"and" has "a/rt-i-fi-c-e-" f-our-e- all se-a/s-0/n- e-t-he-m/ay-k- scene for-t-be/lie/vi/ng-
why? only the go/d show t heir face in g0/d t i'm e.
t h/eye h/ave m a.d.e b/t 0/n e t' l i/n e p.r.i'me
so "paul drinan" bein-g scene, gives false emotions too the value he feigns to so presently re pre sent-a/ct-u-al/ly-e-
he is "praying" on the weak, he all-s-owe- doesn't c/a(i)re too the t-each 0 pen ly e.
p.s. "paul" "drinan" is not the messiah, rather the mess-i-a/h-. he can't stand on his own naked e/b too t/h e a.d dress at be st e. but-t-he c-o-ver-t-me a.s -s-0wn-e-tu-b/e-e-p.r.-out-0-f/f-i/t-all-t/0(w/-)n-e- thank-hank-&-yank-full-ye-t/ho/u-se/e-d- "only-e-"s-ow/e-(e-)d-
paul en-li/st-s by con-t-r/a ct-u- al/l- ag-re-e-men-t-g-r/owe-t-hat-e-w/-aye- "nature-ally-e-"
t-hus/s-ow/e- d e/b t/he-w/e-ed-
throwing consternation for no reason as sig/h t see i/ng
(as the t-own-e- can't employ a gardener apparent ly e with re all p lan t' g/r~ow n f/rom ea. l/l see d)
"y-ew/-e-" are only "independent" to-u-r-e- "ne-e/d-e-"
"y-ew/-e-" are only "independent" to-u-r-e- "ne-e/d-" as- k-no-t- ye de si re s~0w/e 2 sp ea k. fund a mentality e
i'm not getting p aid too the speak, too the think, to express conscious ness for what appears to be no viable reason actually e. and this is "b.c." you-r-i'm-ag/e is in p-l-ace- for no reason too-the-a-d/i-l-at-e-
i get the opposite of what conscious ness c/a(i)r~r/ye's , thanks to "y/e" of what you vi-ew/e in si-lent-oo-t-he- "a.d."
your "z" access, up-a-n/d-own- in your s-lee-p- is-s/t-rot-e- fund-a-men-t-ally-e- in-si-de- the f-x-f- be-lies- (e)ye-re-lie-f-
to "do" and due and due-t- for no reason "2" you have to ke-y-ep women in p-l-ace -t-(h-)r-u-e-
n/ow e don't you think, a s/tup-i.d.- w/-0-man would "help" you at ta i/n s 0/m e thing, hell-p- you ta-think-(e-)ye- "piece" bu-ye "peace"
the stupid woman is dependent upon your charade "o" li(e-)ve-in-g- & w/ ill sup-port- you "in-de-pen-den-t-ly-e-a./s-t-ill-) thinking she is making a difference for e all, verse-sus *a/rt-less-l/ie-&-les/s-ly-e- fore reel "eye" / "i"
don't worry "paul drinan" w/-ill pick up your slack with social master(e)ye at-l-as-s-s-s-st-e-
"thinking" the "whole" w/-aye, his nonsense is fund-a-men-t/all-too-t-he-firm-a-men-t- "&" i / eye X is T bu-ye "his" g/race i/o/u/s ness s-own-o-n- (e) me.
he denies me to speak & be h ea. r d act yl ly e & act u ally e, which says a lo-t- about his vi-ewe- of his m-0- f-ore- mom 2, which if you asked me without ask-ewe-in-g-, he "sees" and sieze his mom as he "want's" "2" -x- "to/o"
he would sacrifice his mom for no reason too-t-he-b-s/t-r-o/n-g- all-a- L0/L-on-g-
this is a mother f-ucker, and i h/ave no thing "2" do w/-i/t-
yet paul po/rt-en-d's- "2" w/-hole-d- me accountable, on and with the me one ye he pro fi/t's his countenance, ay-e- for no ap/parent reason to par t with
i really do not know how to c/as/t this in g-rate except as alla-round-louse see-d-
by choice, unless he thinkings, willing "lea-d" his mom deserves tu/b-e f-ucked by his "o"miss-i-on-s- 0-pen-ly-e- s-owe- "he" can f-eel-a/nd-fee-l-e-p/t-be-re-ave-d- a- pi-t-y/e-ye-
an honest man my t kno w/ here 2 find his net worth 0 pen ly e. paul set me up to ta-ke- f-rom-e- me, because he is a weenie, and a "mo-del-l-" and there fore can't fight a man too the ste-all- as he would wear the impact of i/t on his face that he therefore couldn't sel l, in 2d as/s well.
as if he h.a.d. always been f/a(i)re too the t~e l/l e ye w/e l~l
Paul -e-x-is-t's- "to/o"-x-2- st-a-nd- in - t/he w/aye 0f the se l~l
he would cut his business face (and lie to the customer that i lacked the cap a city to follow t (h)r u e) for-t-he- op-port-u-nit-ye- too-t-he-make-s-he-is-t-d-aye-t- 0 pen ly e as t his "see/n"-owe- g/race.
w/hen he has never done re all work the whole live long day. and the "law" prop-s-him-t- "up" too the lie without accountablity "and" c-a/rt-e- blanc-he- pre miss -0-p/port-u-nit-ye- "fo-r/t-god's-a-k/e"
if the money he is keeping for no reason, is not a value to him even, why does he keep it from me with a prig ist at ti tu de. because he's got "2" // and he is using me to sup por(e)t (h)rue, to w/ear my face value (with no 0ne for/m/e to tall k 2 ).
paul drinan as a "man" is not the divine r, he is not the protec t/or e, he isn't a great actor w/hen he slants too-t-he-f-act-ore-, he is re-lie-ing- on- every body that is fooled into thinking for no reason, they are independent with his t-reason-e-at-h-a/nd-fe-e-ding-
w/hen paul drinan s/how's-up, your value production e walks out the do/or e.
he re-fuses- 2-x-too- l(ove)ea.r n a/s p be f/0re
(and expects tu/b e ad-d-ore- for no reason too-the-re-st-or/e-ye-am-ore- in-n- his-to/ry-e-par-t/a-k/e-) & "b-rake" the b-re-ad-e/b-t-h-a.d.-e- n eve r e/nd i/ng -a(-i-)m-e-
he b-rakes the b-re-ad- on e m'ye h ea.d. b.c. he isn't a reason, he comes f-rom-t-reason- & tree-son- & is per fe ct l ye fine keeping t-hat-in-s/e a./s 0n e, because if he didn't have some one to fe/n-d-f/rom-, he would have no one to net his lie loo-p-up-on-e-too carreye fort/h 0 with-out-re-course-
his lie can go on indefinite ly b.c. no one s h0 w/e s e.g.0
he b-rakes the b-re-ad- on e m'ye h ea.d. b.c. he isn't a reason, he comes f-rom-t-reason- & tree-son- & is per fe ct l ye fine keeping t-hat-in-s/e a./s 0n e, because if he didn't have some one to fe/n-d-f/rom-, he would have no one to net his lie loo-p-up-on-e-too carreye fort/h 0 with-out-re-course- see n(ow/e) in/n a nd 0/ve
paul exists to com-man-d- my virtue to make me compete for it, for no reason to be with his-(h-) "i/t." and considers me the weaker sex, that can't me as u/re meant.
bu-ye-rig-ht- he gets to f-reel-ye gloat and loathe and the "law" sup-port's- he-is-t/o-k/e-
an honest judge shouldn't be p-a.(-i-)d. bu-ye- his "t" 0/0 the sum & sum e 0/n e.
an honest judge shouldn't be p-a.(-i-)d. bu-ye- his-t/0-r/ye- the sum & sum e 0/n e s-a.(-i-)m.e. ven-t-u/r-e-g-a-in-n-
paul exists to com-man-d- my virtue to make me compete for it, for no reason to be with his-(h-) "i/t." and considers me the weaker sex, that can't me as u/re meant. // in all f/a(i)r e ness, i have no "con-t/r-a/ct-" for-t-hat-
paul exists to com-man-d- my virtue to make me compete for it, for no reason to be with his-(h-) "i/t." and considers me the weaker sex, that can't me as u/re meant. // in all f/a(i)r e ness, i have no "con-t/r-a/ct-" for-t-hat-e- the sir-cum-stance-ye- all-s-owe-l/le-ad-e-wit-h-at-e-tu-b-e.g.-(r-)ate-
an honest judge shouldn't be p-a.(-i-)d. bu-ye- his-t/0-r/ye- the sum & sum e 0/n e s-a.(-i-)m.e. ven-t-u/r-e-g-a-in-n- s-um- mo/n-e'ye-be f/0re t/here rig ht is t b/r~ave too the s/aye th0u h/ave t/0 g/ave t/he m~a.(i)d.e in st/e a.d.e
d/ein = yours one in germ any's 0/n e & s0/m e
i am acting like "paul" on my t-raw-l-: it would be a funny ga.(i)m.e for you to not give me/one/ye to paul, not matter how ? or from who ? i earned it or "it" just the sa.(i)m.e
and then incite him to be judged incrementally & uni verse al/ly e, by no one apparent l ye, to p(L)aye this way.
i think it would be funny to set him up too x 2 b/i t(e)ye w/e.
and wa(i)ste his "t-i'm-e-" t(hr)u & t(h)rue, set him up for a gi-g- w/hen he fi/n d's he has nothing to g i've, per say, t/hat is wanted a/ct yl ly, ore act u ally e. maybe just show him you are disturbed by his pre-sense of no one in knit actually a w/are., verse-sus know-one-in-nit-just the sa.(i)m.e w/e a.r /t'h' acting i/n na.(i)m.e
hac(t)k the d-ea-d- l-i'm-b- f/r0m e m0 r/ye verse-sus- bu-i-ld-i/t-up-too-t-h-a/ct-all-0-t-bu-ill-ding-com-for-t-able-"a.d."- (with no desire able pre sense )
a word is a concept that defines reality, or why do you speak, except to lie on me, even if you are not speaking to me.
i x eye consider it m.o/r(e) all to me to/o x 2 not let a lie, l-ie-on-e- me too-the-st/e-all-e-vain-st-eel-l-concept-u-ally-e-t-ill-e-
ps. not all lies are reel~
there is the lie worth a w/(h)eighting i feel e
X a.m. p le: you will w/ear the benefit. (no benefit? too bad, i made you up in my h ea. d, to show the rig ht as/s your de si r/e ye n/eve/r e ha.d. e)
X a.m. p le: you will w/ear the benefit. (no benefit? too bad, i made you up in my h ea. d, to show the rig ht as/s your de si r/e ye n/eve/r e ha.d. e/b too th e.g. i've t/here t/heir & w/(h)ear t 'h'eave n(t)d's~en d's~a.(i)m.e
ven though my (re)creativity is wit~h0ut end, you w/ill never wear my b ran d in vain e "ve(-i-)n" ag-gain-st-e-
w/(h)i. d.e a.ll a wake
X a.m. p le: you will w/ear the benefit. (no benefit? too bad, i made you up in my h ea. d, to show the rig ht as/s your de si r/e ye n/eve/r e ha.d. e/b too th e.g. i've t/here t/heir & w/(h)ear t 'h'eave n(t)d's~en d's~a.(i)m.e~ m(e)ye b(e)a.d. just L ea.t' la nd, t'g~rove t'lig ht 0/n e c0mma nd
X a.m. p le: you will w/ear the benefit. (no benefit? too bad, i made you up in my h ea. d, to show the rig ht as/s your de si r/e ye n/eve/r e ha.d. e/b too th e.g. i've t/here t/heir & w/(h)ear t 'h'eave n(t)d's~en d's~a.(i)m.e~ m(e)ye b(e)a.d. just L ea.t' la nd, t'g~rove t'lig ht 0/n e c0m~ma st/a/nd fxf r/u i/t' g ran d pat'h' fi/n d e/r a/nd e/b t'l eve l ag a i/n/n st/(r)e a.m.' s~a/nd i a.m. c.omma nd
maine t' de l(l) awe a.r t(h)rue
the c(i)t(ye) i/s tw/(h)0
Miss Under e Stood e ven would bu/ye wood
"all-else" is "would" bu-ye-woo-d-ue-t-u-
bunch of misfits without a fig ht i/ng's w/0 rd: if i take away from y-ew/e- that you are not the magi nor birthed the immaculate one, you cannot "po-w/e're-on- e-" t-(h-)rue- on t0 me 2 without ramifications person all to your- e- too-t-he- &* po-in-t- of-x-f- vi-ew/e-scene as "p.-r.oof"
you h/ave no claim too t hem aye k 2 x to/o : if you haven't made lo ve in a.(i)m.e you cannot claim o/re claim it/t (h*) ea.ven 0 g/g(a)in~s e.g./ave
*h = si` lent ~ sa.(i)m.e in p(L)ace